Wanted

WANTED for possible lifetime contract, a mature live-in female paddling companion.

Applicant must be attractive with strong constitution, good teeth and temper and be prepared to work with efficiency and flair at lovemaking, sewing, cooking, house cleaning and interior decorating. 
A good working knowledge of  basic nursing, minor home repairs and a current drivers licence also required. A degree in home economics is not essential but would be useful. 

There will be a few duties such as all the family letter writing, sending of Christmas cards, birthday cards and purchasing appropriate gifts for such occasions.

Any hobbies or pastimes may be pursued during leisure time, as long as regular duties are not neglected. It would be advisable that hobbies include gardening and cooking.

 Housekeeping allowance will vary according to income. There will be no salary, sick leave or pension plan attached to this position.

Room, bed and food will be provided free, so long as the incumbent cleans the room, shares the bed and cooks the food. 

Applicants must have a good sense of humour and be able to distinguish between nagging (her complaints) and constructive criticism (employer’s complaints). 

Once accepted, the successful applicant must be able to produce a certificate of sanity issued by a qualified psychiatrist so that she may not later plead that she must have been out of her mind to have taken the position. 

Must also be competent kayaker, and own her own kayak. Applicants should send photo of kayak with resume.